24 Questions Americans have for the British
1. Why do you call
cookies biscuits?
Because they are
biscuits. If they don’t have chocolate chips in them then they're biscuits.
Better yet, what do you call America's version
of biscuits?
Are they those things
we had at the barbeque? Scones. Those are scones.
2. Why would you eat
something called spotted dick?
‘Cause it tastes real
good.
3. In fact, why are
most of your food names sexual?
They aren't all like
that, just the few that make it out of the country.
4. Why do your judges
still wear powdered wigs?
I dunno, I just think
they're all still stuck in the 1800's.
5. Why do you call
diapers "nappies"?
Dunno, just the way
it’s always been.
(Authors note: I
notice a trend.)
6. How many times do
you need to be reminded to mind the damn gap?
Thanks to the
American's, we have to put warnings up on everything to avoid getting sued.
Also, the gap is scary.
7. Why do you drink
tea in literally every situation?
‘Cause tea is
just...tea is just right for everything.
8. How on earth do
you deal with the weather?
Where I live it's not
too bad, it's just dull. It can also be unpredictable and impossible to get
used to though.
9. Why do you all
strip down when you see the slightest bit of sun?
If your summer was
only three weeks long, you would want to make the most of it too.
10. Why do you think
Marmite tastes good?
I don’t. Marmite is a
vile concoction that should never be touched, much less eaten.
11. Why do you have
two taps instead of one?
Not many do, but some
people just do it for tradition.
(AN: Treeeeeend)
12. What the hell is
the deal with Cricket?
I dunno, I played it
in primary school and I had no idea what I was doing. It seems like the only
people that watch it are 50 year olds anyway.
13. Why do you lose
your accents when you sing?
Not all artists lose
it, it just seems to be a pop thing. They want to be successful in America
where the money is, so they tone down the accents a bit. Most artists just want
to get the fuck out of the UK anyway so it works.
14. Speaking of
accents, why do you have SOOO many?
My personal theory is
that it's from way back when the counties were all separate and kind of did their
own thing and it just stuck.
15. How come your
headlines are on a whole different level?
Because wouldn't you
buy that newspaper?
16. Why are you all
so stoic?
I dunno, it's just
the way were brought up but it’s starting to change.
17. How many BBC
channels do you have?
Christ. I think
there's five.
18. Why do you think
men wearing dresses is the epitome of comedy?
Cause it's just
funny. And they all have a good time.
19. What do you want
to be called? Britain, Great Britain, England, the United Kingdom or the U.K.?
Oh boy, here we go.
To my understanding, England is a part of Britain and Britain is the
combination of England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland. And the United
Kingdom is what Britain combined with all the other territories.
20. How come you're
so obsessed with the royal family?
We’re not really,
that seems to be an American thing.
21. Why do you
pluralize "math"?
Because the full word
is "Mathematics" which is plural so the shortened word should be
pluralized too.
22. How is this a
condiment?
Cause what the fuck
else are you supposed to eat with your roast lamb?
23. Why do you call
your lines "queues"?
Because it's just the
word for it.
24. And finally, how
come your cursing and slang is so much better than ours?
Cause we're just a
bit more bloody inventive than you lot, 'int we?
